Posts tagged ps
Mood rings.
7Those words always make me think of that one Reliant K song.
But anyway, why is it that everything, anything, effects our mood? That the wrong colors together, the wrong note, pitch, or just sound can make or kill a moment? Why are we so controlled by our own bodies and life around us that IT defines how are day is…not by our own choice.
How is it that even through hundreds, thousands even, of years that we cannot learn to control our body over this? Personally I believe we never truly want to in everything. That it is worth the downside of ruining our day for the times it makes it.
But still, moods. I never have understood why it is that we are restrained in these meatsacks we call bodies and their many, many limitations. We have so much potential in our minds and spirits…and alot can be restrained or stopped because of the limits our flesh and soul have caused us to have. Yes, I know it is strange to think of it like that.
But if I do not, who then, will?
Simply put, I like to question things no one ever even thinks to complain or question about. It amuses me the limitations we put on our minds and how we react to the world and it’s many hidden, stone set rules around us, and that no one ever stops to think why they are there, what made them so, or even why they cant change. I think it’s because everyone else is satisfied with how it is. It works right? hah.
But for me, even if it works, I want to know why it works, if anything else would, and if so, why choose this way for it to?
I’ve literally sent myself into a type of trance thinking about things like this. Thinking so far into my mind and creativity that all my senses intertwine and are no more at the same time. That I’m looking at blackness at night, but I see so many things I cannot fathom into words, sounds, shapes, or colors.
And it sometime scares me that I never hear of anyone else who does the same, haha.
But I guess that is just how it is, how it goes, how it will be. And for me, I am done with my rambling that is inside my brain. So until next that I decide to type my heart, mind, and spirit into words that you can read and try to venture and envelope into my world of thought,
goodbye.
Sins.
1Severed tears, broken glass, lost loves, it never asked.
Sick nights, bright lights, silly kids, enjoy it while it lasts.
Silver suns, black skies, death and decay, that is what enclasps.
Empty sex, filled lungs, dirty needles, lips, and tongues.
Bloody wrists, broken hearts, needless hurt, is this all we’re worth?
Nevermore I say we should be this way.
Nevermore I pray we stay this way.
Live, love, and repeat.
With this the pain, hurt, and death, we will defeat.
Photoshopness
0
U2 WAS AMAZING! :] Oh, And The Rest of My Week.
3So, I haven’t blogged in awhile…sorry 
Well, so…
Saturday: Did some last minute packing for Oklahoma trip…ate, talked on the phone some…then around 5pm we headed out…many songs and silliness-ness later…we arrived in Ada, OK where my sister Amber lives at about 7:30pm’ish?
We unpacked the musical gear from the truck…then headed to Blue Moon Cafe…which, is where this was taken of Jessie 
Then we headed to the church to practice…Josh, Jessie, Amber, Michael (her husband), and I played for my sister’s church on sunday morning ;]
After about 2hrs we were done learning about 6 songs…most of which were new to Amber and Michael…and 1 was new to us all except Josh, who wrote it…and writes most of what we play…we being The Joshua Band aka. Josh, Jessie, Chris(who couldn’t come) and I…
And jeez…my hands we’re literally about to bleed and we’re blistered…and ripped in 3 places…because they have their drums in a box thing…so you have to beat the heck out of them to get dynamics 
After that we headed to Michael’s dad Mickey’s house, and unpacked…that is where we slept
And I talked to my Madison till about 4:30am that night…long story…..and to you Madison…thank you, and I believe and accept it now…hopefully over time I’ll learn to trust in it more and make use to it like you have my love….
Sunday: Woke up about 9am…got ready, and headed to Life Community Church to play :]
After church, we headed to Rib Crib (delllicious :]), and this is where I took a pic of my hands seen here…this picture doesnt do them justice to how bad it was sadly
after that we went back to Pastor Mickey’s house and changed…then around 4pm we headed over to Amber’s house…then at around 4:30pm we headed out to Norman, OK….To see U2
got there, got inside, found our seats…and at around 7pm Black Eyed Peas started…They were good…but dude with the mo-hawk cannot sing worth a crap live…but My Humps, Boom Boom Pow, I Gotta Feeling, and Big Girls Don’t Cry was still awesome live though :] Will-i-am and Fergie are still awesome sounding live :]
Then at around 8:45pm U2 started :] EEE!:D…..and LORD GOD JESUS…I had a Concertgasm Like seriously…it’s gonna be hard to enjoy any other concert now…I mean think about it…I’ve seen the best one in every way…so now everything else will fall short in all but prob one or two areas hah. Vids here. Pics here or here
Then after the amazing show (we got out at about 12:20am) we drove home…got home around 2am because of the crazy traffic…and headed to bed.
Monday: didn’t wake up till around 1pm haha…then we woke up, went to Amber’s house for a bit….went and ate at Braum’s…then went back to the church loaded up our gear, then went to Amber’s house again…and chilled there till around 3:20pm when we headed out…
Got home at around 5:20pm…then I talked on the phone till around 1am. and went to bed.
Tuesday: What did I do tuesday? not alot haha…Talked on the phone, worked on random Gfx, uploaded U2 videos and pictures…and oh, stayed up till 5am fixing the church’s pc…I fixed it at around 10pm…it was a bad PSU…and I happened to have a spare one from eariler…and fixed it…then I got anything off of it we could use (Dad bought it from another church that was shutting down, and selling off their stuff for $100)…
Then reformatted it, and installed a fresh new install of Windows XP – Vortex 3G RED Edition, then loaded it with software we need like MediaShout, WinDVD, K-Lite Codec Pack…etc and other software you need really like Auslogics BoostSpeed, CCleaner, Filezilla…etc
After doing all that, upgrades, fixing random stuff like missing audio and ethernet drivers, and cleaning off un-needed hardware…it was around 5am 
Wednesday: Today? not alot…talked on the phone with Madison alot, done homework, messed with stuff on the pc, talked on the phone some more…chatted with some old friends I haven’t in a long while on Facebook (Hi Sparky! ), and then started this.
So that has been my weekend /week. :]
Madison.
4Well, not too much happened today, I slept in pretty late (well besides being woke up to that dog barking his head off non-stop at 8am )
But I kinda want to take this blog to talk about my love, Madison.
As I’ve mentioned before, me and Madison met at Assembly of God church camp this year in late June of 2009…we saw each other for the first time, at two different times…and even from then I sensed something different…something intrigued me about her…I didn’t know what…but I wanted to find out…
So, that night we ended up getting placed on the same team(that’s funny considering of the tons of kids…we got on the same team) and got to know each other…We talked a little here and there…and I just felt that feeling grow…and I liked it…but it confused me…because it felt familiar…but completely new at the same time…and at that time I didn’t know what it was…which if you don’t know now…you will soon enough.
So, at the next lunch thing, I saw her about half way across the room…and we made silly hand gestures and faces back and forth…then I went to do something else, after not doing so in a while…and she was gone…and my heart sulked…and I didn’t really understand why…I mean I knew why…because I was kinda afraid that would be the last time I saw her…but I didn’t understand why I felt like that for someone I verily knew…
But me and a friend named Nate left, and I saw her sitting on the brick sidewalk thing…so we approached her…and proceeded to make smalltalk, talking about everything from shoes, to the huge balloon making noise behind us. But I liked and enjoyed it, and enjoyed learning even the smallest things about her, and her traits, and her habits. She intrigued me so much…and I didn’t know why.
So, from then on Me, Madison, Nate, and later the next day Lacey, all hung out for the remainder of camp…
But before I get ahead of myself…I want to keep going about us…
that following night we went to the main night service in the sanctuary…and during one part of it…Madison grabbed me, and Nate’s hand…and we went to the altar…where we prayed, and was prayed over…but then we sat down…and basically shared our deepest and darkest secrets with one another…and my heart poured out to them both…but especially Madison…once again…I felt that feeling…but mixed with compassion and hurt that was done to her…and I wanted to hug and kiss her and tell her its all going to be better…and I had to stop myself before I did…and I thought it was strange I felt that strongly for someones pain within a few days of knowing them.
Then next day, about mid day…something happened with me and my ex…who was there…fun I know…and pretty much tried to kick me to the dirt, then kick me again…and I took it…and didn’t try to hurt her or retaliate. But later…after she left…it was just the 4 of us…and we talked about it some…and I remember Madison nicknamed her “The Dragon Lady” and told me I didn’t deserve being treated like that at all. and then the announcement came over the speaker that we had to go to our dorms to do devotionals…and that’s when me and Madison hugged…then she leaned in and kissed me. And I know it was a kiss of “Its going to be better Andrew”. But I couldnt help but feel all bubbly…and different…very different…and I didnt understand it…even telling myself “No…no…it couldn’t be that…I’ve only known her a few days?!”.
So, once we we’re done with that..and met back up with the girls…I acted a bit differently…scared of doing anything under the false pretense of her just giving that kiss as nothing more then a sentimental “It’s going to be okay” and scare, or anger her. But I couldn’t help myself…and eventually I kissed her again, and again, and again. And it felt so….right…which logically made not one bit of sense in my head…at all. I was thinking “No, you’ve known her a few days, you cant love her, and even if so, why would she want to love or be with someone like you? shes way out of your league, and so much a better person then you.” Yes, I know I’m hard on myself lol. But that is how I thought….
But I couldn’t resist being near her, holding her, hugging her, and kissing her…it felt so familiar, so warm, so loving…but yet…so new…so refreshing…so…right.
So, before the evening service we we’re sitting down talking…and she had drew a heart on my hand….and it said “I <3 you”…literally a “<3″ not “love” haha….and I held up my hand and said “Me too”…but she wouldn’t let me get away with just that haha…she said “What do you mean?”…and I did it again…and she said something like “That’s not what I meant…what do you mean…I want to hear it” basically is what she meant…so…even though logically, I knew I shouldn’t be able to fall in love with someone in less then a week…I did…and I know I did…but I was afraid to say it…afraid of her not feeling the same…or of it being a “camp-fling” or the likes….but I pushed away the brain trying to tell me it cant be…that’s only in movies….and I told her…I said “I love you”…and she said “I love you too Andrew”……and the next question relieved, but scared me…she asked “Do you want it to end at camp?”…I said “No, no I don’t….at all”…and she said “Neither do I” and smiled…and rubbed her hand against mine. :] So from then on we we’re I guess “officially” dating :]
And it was hard those few weeks after camp only talking on the phone…and it still can be…see, she lives 1 1/2hrs away in jacksboro ….but once I got to see her outside of camp…and it was the same warm smile…the same loving, eager eyes to see me…I felt in shock in a way…because somehow…someway…she looked even more beautiful then I remembered…somehow…and I remembered her being the most beautiful thing as it was…but from that second…I knew it was love…and I knew…it was…for real.
And this happened and happens every time I see her again. It’s like I’m looking at an angel…even more beautiful then the last one somehow….with those same loving, warm eyes…and those compassionate (and delicious) lips :]
So everytime I talk to her, I get to know her more, get to hear her stories, and her mine…and I get to love her more every day…but when I see her…oh…It’s not just that…everytime I see her….I see the purpose of life, what it feels like to be loved more then you, or anyone else can love you, what it feels like to enjoy hearing her voice, seeing her eyes, her smile, her love. And to know that it is towards you, and that you are loved by her….it is truly breath taking…and a beautiful thing to have…inside and out…
Just like my love…beautiful inside and out…
Just like…my Madison. *kiss*
Essay, Photoshop, and Missing Church.
3Hi there my readers! yes, I’m speaking to all 2 of you. hah.
My day was okay today, kinda bland again. I woke up at around 11:30pm from about 10 messages from Madison on IM that I had missed from 8am-11:20am IM SORRY BABY! :[ This keeps happening here lately and I'm sorry my love *kiss*
Anywho, got up, ate some grub, and then got on the computer. Where I did pretty much nothing of use, till Stephanie texting me, asking if I knew where to learn how to use Photoshop...So after a little while when I was on the pc, I sent her a list of sites for Tutorials, Inspiration, Brushes, and Fonts to help her out :] So that made me feel a little better that my time was actually helping someone maybe…
THEN…*cue theme music* DA DA DA!!!!! *drum roll*……….getting excited yet?…..*drum roll*……..*drum crash* MADISON CALLED! haha.
And I talked to her for a good bit o’ time, but she was tired and took a nap while keeping me on the line. So I got on Photoshop and Illustrator
Here’s what I made
Then, once Madison woke up, we talked some more, and she realized it was 6:50pm and I wasnt at church, and I told her about how my parents were still gone wherever, and so I didnt have a ride there, which also made me miss Cayli’s birthday party meh….anyway, then supper was done, and I let her go, ate, and then called her back.
But she had to do something, I forget what? And made me do my homework haha. So I finished up my Human A&P homework, and was in the middle of revising my “If” paper for English class when she called. And she helped me correct it and gave me alot of useful tips and ideas on what to do on the parts I was lost in.
So thanks so so much baby :] You’re a lifesaver *kiss* I lovea you! lol.
And then after I finished up that it was getting late, so I let my love go to bed, and I got up on the pc and starting typing this…man I was really detailed today eh?
Oh well!
EEK! I sorrys! :[
2I haven’t blogged in a few days…oops! well…HI!
So, recap needed of the weekend? Not really…but I will anyway!
Sunday:
Woke up at 9am, got ready, and went to church, had our pre-service practice at 9:30am, and church started at 10:30am…worship went well…Dad’s sermon this week was really good, but like it can be was a “toe-stomper” subject 
church let out and we headed to Luigi’s Pizza Italian Restaurant and ate some grub with my fam fam and Joseph Weaver and his fam :] I got Lasagna! mmm :] then we headed home, and from then on I was on the phone off and on with Madison. :]
Monday:
Hmm…well Monday was pretty bland, except getting to talk to my love after she was out of school :] Oh, I guess I could mention that Monday night I started messing around in Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, and Dreamweaver CS4 again trying to refresh myself, and get back into the habit. I’m going to start making something in Photoshop (or Illustrator) daily…even if its useless and random, just to keep refreshed, and to get practice in! That, and I’m trying to figure out how to make WordPress themes
Oh! Oh! I got really bored in Photoshop too Monday night and made all of these!
Tuesday:
Also pretty bland…except for once again talking to my love off and on when she was out of school :] — and a side note to my love, sorry you had a bad day today *kiss* I hope I helped make it better in some way throughout the day *kiss kiss* I Love You, My Angel :]
and that pretty much sums it all up, because I talked on the phone to me Madisono! And I ate grilled chicken with my fam fam + Aaryn = all my fam fam soon enough anyways
So yeah, that’s been My weekend/Monday/Tuesday/Why do I keep/Everything I say?/No/Idea/Huh/That’s just/Odd./././.
Oh, and yeah. Haven’t done this in awhile…and I really should have
Please check out these few sites by simply clicking on the pictures, and if your heart calls and beacons you, like it did, and does mine, then please join these causes…
It would mean alot to me, to many unborn babies wanting to live, and also to confused and hurt teens/adults needing love.
Practice makes…decent?
2Well, my day started out late…I woke up at 12:30pm
Anyway, I pretty much chilled at home and talked to my Madison all day up till around 5:30pm when I showered, then left for my church, in Denton. When we(Dad, Mom, Hailey[niece], and I) got to the church, I talked to everyone who was there for awhile. Then Cody came to my church about 6:40pm, and we left to go to Grace Fellowship to practice a song he wrote…
Oh, btw I’m now basically part of 3 bands: My church’s worship team, The Joshua Band, and now Cody’s band which has yet to be named :]
Anyway, we got there and UGH…I had to use the electronic drums already there for this week…and Lord God Jesus…I forget how much they suck…mehh. But I managed to get through the practice decently, despite having no real dynamics (which caused me to blister my hands horribly because out of habit I play harder to sound louder.), but we got it basically down in the 1hr of practice we had…so that’s good I guess :]
OH! OH! OH! I almost forgot to say!…….Hi. :]
Time for the “Drew’s life” cram session.
1Okay, so…It’s been awhile, and there is too much to really cover…so I’ll break this down as much as I can…
First off lets hit the “Relationship” category…so, me and Hattie went downhill fast…she did things already in the past that I had forgave her for, stuff that I didn’t deserve to even happen to me honestly, but I still stayed with her and things we’re looking okay for awhile.
Then, Wham! Things for us starting declining, we started arguing more, especially in the area of her thinking and accusing me of being unfaithful (which will never happen in my book. If I don’t love you, I’ll leave you. Not cheat on you.) when in reality she was again, and I didn’t know.
Anyway, A few weeks before the Assembly of God camp thing I was going to with a AoG church in Denton I go to Sunday nights(when I can) and Wednesdays named Grace Fellowship, She broke up with me.
But she still tried to lead me along and leave me to believe she still loved me, despite the fact she was already all over other men.
And then Saturday day before camp I went with my brother Brandon to meet up with his ex-wife Angelique to drop off his daughter Hailey for the week, and I started talking to him about everything going on…everything…and everything I told him she was doing and saying, he remembered that’s just how his ex-wife would do and/or say.
And it was an eye-opener…I wasn’t sure if I should try to wait and see if she would change or get better, because I tend to be too nice and do that.
Then we got to the meeting point and I got out and talked to Angelique a little…and I realized something. He was right, Hattie was my version of a Angelique in my life. But I had an opportunity to end it before we we’re married and I end up married, then divorced to her, and save some pain. My brother unfortunately did not have a chance to do that.
Anyway, that Monday when we were leaving for camp. When I saw her, I let her go completely…and she didn’t let go of me, and that night I met two new friends: Nathan, and Madison.
And instantly I felt a connection with Madison I’d never felt before. I didn’t know what it was, but I didnt want it to leave.
Anyway, over that week, Hattie continued to argue and try to tell me she loved me.
And the more time I spent with Madison, the more I found how much of a fool I was to have ever considered my past relationships “Love”. Because with her, within that week I felt the same, and above the level of compassion and feelings towards her then I did with my exes. So by a few days in we decided to start dating, and this made Hattie furious that she just lost this game of leading me on even though she wasn’t ready to be committed to just me, or really love me.
But, and hopefully this doesn’t sound too cold…but I could care less about Hattie at that point.
All I cared about was listening to Madison talk, and learn more about her, and just take in her beauty inside, and out.
And even though it was an unorthodox way to meet your love, it happened regardless. :] Love you baby *kiss*
psst. this is her :]
Alright! well that’s basically out of the way…basically hah.
Next up is “Life”! haha. So yeah, now I’m a senior in high school (woot), I’m madly in love, I’m getting better at drums practically every month I almost feel like (I’m seriously not trying to be cocky, but yeah.), and OH. I have my driver’s license now! WOO! But, I have no car.
Oh, and later this next week dad is going to help me put in applications at a few places so I can gets a job!
So, as you can see. the biggest chunk of catching up was my whole “Relationship” story hah. there is other stuff I’m prob not thinking of…but I don’t remember at this time…if I do, I’ll just edit this or make a new entry :]
And…I did it again…
0Sorry all, I really have had a hectic time…well so where to begin.
ah, well got all my PC junk in…and everything works like charm 
I’ve played Dead Space, Left 4 Dead, Half life 2: Episode 2, Portal, and many more on high-res and high detail without any skipping or quality loss woo!
hmm, oh…and Hattie my girlfriend had to have foot surgery this last Thursday…it went well but shes in alot of pain off and on between the pain meds lol…
oh, and yeah! now I’m the main drummer on Wednesday nights at First Assembly of God in Denton...unfortunately their pastor resigned 2 Sundays ago and his son happened to be their drummer…so yeah, I cant on Sunday cause I have to at my church…but now I do every Wednesday for them so that’s fun and interesting for me…completely different feel then my main church’s worship team and songs…so it makes me stretch my boundaries I guess…
hmm, and DEAR LORD JESUS I watched the Watchmen(lol) or WIKI…and dude I loved it! there is only one main difference from the original comic that I noticed plot wise anyway, was Rorschach’s story of when he “became Rorschach completely, and no longer Walter Kovacs being Rorschach” was alot more gruesome…
and beware…you get to see Dr. Manhattan‘s blue shiny thingy(aka his freakin Penis) way too much, and you also get to see a awkwardly long sex scene in the Watchmen’s aircraft with the song “Hallelujah” written by Leonard Cohen (you’ll remember it was on Shrek by John Cale )..but despite those things I’d give it a solid 85 out of 100 for sure…definitely worth watching once…maybe not for buying on DVD (least if you have kiddos who can find it haha)
well hmm, that’s about it for anything out of the ordinary since I’ve last blogged sadly