Posts tagged IDE
Semper Fidelis
0In translation from Latin, it means “Always Faithful”. On the back of someones car, it got me thinking…who among us can truly use this anymore? Sure it’s referring to the Marines. But I mean in a daily walk of life, who can use this? Me? You?…
I don’t know, life has been shooting me in the face this last month… Not just this and that… just everything; the point, the flow, the love, the reason, the peace, the hate. Just everything… I’ve felt so disconnected to the real world here lately…no reason to… just have been… I’ve been slowly reconnecting, especially with help from loved ones. But still, it’s just like taking everything in, its hard not to… to think of earth as a small dot in the works of everything. To think of work, play, sleep, and all the in-between.
I cant help it, I cant stop it. All I can do is try and rejoin the rest of you living your daily lives among another, while I feel like I’m observing ants in a ant habitat. Going about your daily life, all connected to one another without even realizing it really…but still all connected to each other. But I’m not, I am some kind of observer in the distance, commingling amidst you, and putting on a smile like I am part of you, but in reality only half of me is…only part of my spirit is, the rest is in a different world, a different everything. No one knows but me, and my God above…and most likely all but a handfull will ever know.
What can I do? nothing, ever. I have to live the rest of my human life in this meatsack of sin until the day my flesh dies and rots, maggot infested in the ground below, it almost is like the sin catches up with the body through the decay of the maggots…if you think about it that is what sin is coming out of our lives, life decaying maggots harvesting on our souls, much like they do our bodies once we die.
I’m stuck, I’m afraid, I’m slipping away… I’m tired, I’m scratching at the walls trying to hold on, I’m…I’m ready to feel at home again…reconnected, warm, at touch with my soul. Instead I am at war with myself, my will, and my heart. Because that is all I can do, and it cannot ever end… This, is my blessing and curse. To have this war. To have this disconnection. To have what I have, be who I am, and become what I will.
Is it worth it? Yes.
Does it always feel like it? No, rarely ever does.
Is this fair, you ask? Really, the answer is up to the eye of the beholder. To me, yes, it is for reasons noone would understand but me. But alas, I still have to bear it with passion, with pride, and with honor till the day I die.
Only me, myself, and God. But I know one thing…I have, and shall always be Semper Fidelis to it all.
Rue, baby, Rue.
1Hello. 
So, today was okay…slept in till 11:30l 11:30
English: World English Bible - WEB
30 For even as Jonah became a sign to the Ninevites, so will also the Son of Man be to this generation.
WP-Bible pluginam, and stayed in bed till 12:30l 12:30
English: World English Bible - WEB
30 For the nations of the world seek after all of these things, but your Father knows that you need these things.
WP-Bible pluginpm lol…
This was because I was on the phone with Madison though 
...anyway....did this for a good bit, then I was up just walking around and playing with meh demon cat 
and then talked to momma for a spell...then we ended up going to McDonald's for a drink, and ended up getting burgers 
Then a bit later after I ate I jumped into the shower, then got on the PC for a bit while my hair dried haha...then Mom got ready, and so did I...because we decided since she had the day off, and I still am looking for a job, why not go to gainesville outlet mall, and get some apps :] So right before we headed out Dad got home, and he joined us
When we got there I went to Rue21 and got a app, then filled it out and came back :]
And they seemed to like me…so maybe I have a job? I’m praying so :] and for backup I also got a app at Gap and Reebok at the same mall :]
So today was eventful and meaningful…but man, when I got home I started getting sinus pressure and migraines kicked in 
So I laid down and ended up missing supper because of it…I was in too much pain to move, let alone eat hah…especially since Dad keeps the TV ungodly loud 
But thankfully after the nap and a quick bowl of cereal, the migraine was down to a headache, and the sinus pressure was almost gone :]
So I called Madison, and right away she made me take a Tylenol haha…
Then at about 9pm I guess it was Madison left to call some other people before it got late, and I ate something else and sat down and watched All About Steve with Josh and Aaryn :]
But then around 11:30pm Madison finally called me back…and I was on the phone with her up till around 12:15am when she went to bed :] And all I have done since then is checked my email, uploaded some new smileys and done this blog haha.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, has been my day
Until we meet again in this lonely abyss we call the “internet”,
So long, my wonderful readers.
Inexplicable
0Intriguing isn’t it?
Life…that is.
It gives, it takes.
It heals, it hurts.
It loves, it hates.
It fills, it nulls.
But, in all of that…why does it happen? Why both? Who defined why getting slapped hurts, and getting kissed feels good?
who is to say we are freaks…living life out unintended of how it should be?
Example: Jenny walks down the street and stubs her toe…it hurts…later on, she gets kissed on the cheek by a boy she likes.
What defined our brain to take in that your toe suddenly hurts instead of it feeling good?…or that you like how it feels when another person’s skin is against yours…and that it shouldn’t hurt?
It’s funny to me how many people don’t question things like this…they just find it useless, or pointless…because no one has the answer, and they just go on with life never questioning even the most simplest of things…
Like why when we meet someone, we find it courteous to shake their hand or nod….who defined that? why?…why would grabbing and holding on to an appendage of a stranger seem like a great way of showing hospitality? seriously?….Or that when we kneel its a sign of submittance, I mean why would sitting higher then another being show you are the superior? When in fact its easier to overthrow or kill someone from a lower stance in all honesty…increase stability, access to vulnerable organs…along with other things.
No, there is no point or reason, or really even debate of this letter I write…
I’m just proving the point that we kinda just forget to question everything in whole…even little things we just learn to accept are reality and not, and what is and has always been…we treat it as it is this untouchable knowledge that will get us killed asking. Why? Search me…I just wanting to bring it to attention that we take advantage of everything a bit too much…and get way too comfortable.
I mean if someone from birth was told that eating a apple would kill him…I would be willing to bet that after 20+ years…if he ate a apple…he would die…Why? because we put so much faith and trust in these things we “know are true” to the point of it being dangerous…we make boundaries on life, and other things.
No, im not saying if you told a boy from birth he could fly he could…least…I really don’t think he would…who knows hah. God has the power to make it happen if he wanted.
We forget that…God is, well….God…
he doesn’t change anything because he made a covenant with us…and he is true to his word…so he doesn’t go changing the very fabric of space and time, or decide we breathe dirt and drink toxic radiation overnight….
But…if he wanted to….he could…you say, “well it would be impossible to breathe dirt, our bodies can’t func…oh”….what? what was that?…forgetting who designed our bodies in the first place?…
“But we cant breathe dirt…its solid matter and air isn’t”…well who defined what is and isn’t solid…or what solid even is?…God could decide everything solid is liquid, and liquid is solid….or make a whole new type of substance then the few we have….
We really forget his power and ability…because we’re so used to and have gotten comfortable with everything because its “always been this way”…It’s sad to me how much we forget about the bigger picture…even in the small things.
Life, Emotion, Actions, Rules….etc
All put in to play by God…who defined exactly what each is.
So, I guess there is a point to this letter….
Never forget the true power and importance of everything…and stop just living life without questioning the very fabrics of space and time…big or small…it’s important, and its made for a reason….
But just because it has always been this way…or so we are told…doesn’t mean we should forget that it is changeable…and that it isn’t just “set in stone”.
I’ll be honest…I came into this letter with just one word…Inexplicable…and this is what happened…good or bad…pointless or life-changing.
But I guess now I have a letter to go with the word hah.
Such a ironic sentence no? Anyway, just finish up knowing this…if nothing else…question it all…all of it…and never just settle for what you’ve been told…or what you assume or know has always been this way…to me, it’s a waste of time, and life to go without questioning….
And it is also a waste…to go on with life without knowing that true power of God….the true power of everything.
That it truly is….
Inexplicable.
Ehh, Ahh, and Ooh.
1So, today was kinda meh…
I woke up like always to the voice of my beautiful Madison on the phone, then I fell back to sleep
After that I didn’t wake up till 1pm. Yeah, I know….you foresaw it with how late my last blog was eh?
Well then after I woke up I got to talk to my love a little on IM while she was at school (Yes, when she’s not busy, not when she’s supposed to be doing school ) then when she had to go I did nothing till she was out of school…well..something happened…but I rather not discuss it here online…or even in any other way….
But anyway, took a shower around 4pm, and soon as I was out…MY MADISON CALLED! :] — Yes I’m aware I get like a giddy 5yr old boy who just got a lollipop given to him when it’s about Madison…and no, I don’t regret it at all :] She makes me so happy and bubbly :]
Anyway, talked to her up until round 5:30pm when she had to leave to go to the Haunted House her school is throwing this week…and I left at 6pm for church anyways…we went up there to fill bags of candy for kids, to hand out this week….but we also got cheese bread and a pizza! WHOO!!! :]
Then at around 8:45pm my love called me while she was on a break with a friend at sonic getting a snack, and had to go soon after
So, when I got home at around 9pm I got on the PC…WOO!!! Haha…And I played Fallout 3 some more (I didn’t even realize that 3 more expansions came out…so I dug out my game and reinstalled it ), and then decided to get Borderlands…so I did…and OOOH…I like so far….I didn’t get to play long…I got my character to level 2 and that’s it…because Madison called and told me to do homework 
haha.
Then we talked for a bit till she needed to head to bed, So I finished up my homework, then headed back on here to check my email and stuffs one last time, and ended up downloading some windows 7 updates, avg updates, and going a quick disk defrag with the awesome Auslogics Disk Defrag :]
Finally, after all of that I got on here to blog….and that’s been my day!
Oh, and I’m part of a new site now called Dailybooth and I forgot to even say, or add it…so I’ll add it to my links list to the right. :]
U2 WAS AMAZING! :] Oh, And The Rest of My Week.
3So, I haven’t blogged in awhile…sorry
Well, so…
Saturday: Did some last minute packing for Oklahoma trip…ate, talked on the phone some…then around 5pm we headed out…many songs and silliness-ness later…we arrived in Ada, OK where my sister Amber lives at about 7:30pm’ish?
We unpacked the musical gear from the truck…then headed to Blue Moon Cafe…which, is where this was taken of Jessie
Then we headed to the church to practice…Josh, Jessie, Amber, Michael (her husband), and I played for my sister’s church on sunday morning ;]
After about 2hrs we were done learning about 6 songs…most of which were new to Amber and Michael…and 1 was new to us all except Josh, who wrote it…and writes most of what we play…we being The Joshua Band aka. Josh, Jessie, Chris(who couldn’t come) and I…
And jeez…my hands we’re literally about to bleed and we’re blistered…and ripped in 3 places…because they have their drums in a box thing…so you have to beat the heck out of them to get dynamics
After that we headed to Michael’s dad Mickey’s house, and unpacked…that is where we slept
And I talked to my Madison till about 4:30am that night…long story…..and to you Madison…thank you, and I believe and accept it now…hopefully over time I’ll learn to trust in it more and make use to it like you have my love….
Sunday: Woke up about 9am…got ready, and headed to Life Community Church to play :]
After church, we headed to Rib Crib (delllicious :]), and this is where I took a pic of my hands seen here…this picture doesnt do them justice to how bad it was sadly
after that we went back to Pastor Mickey’s house and changed…then around 4pm we headed over to Amber’s house…then at around 4:30pm we headed out to Norman, OK….To see U2
got there, got inside, found our seats…and at around 7pm Black Eyed Peas started…They were good…but dude with the mo-hawk cannot sing worth a crap live…but My Humps, Boom Boom Pow, I Gotta Feeling, and Big Girls Don’t Cry was still awesome live though :] Will-i-am and Fergie are still awesome sounding live :]
Then at around 8:45pm U2 started :] EEE!:D…..and LORD GOD JESUS…I had a Concertgasm Like seriously…it’s gonna be hard to enjoy any other concert now…I mean think about it…I’ve seen the best one in every way…so now everything else will fall short in all but prob one or two areas hah. Vids here. Pics here or here
Then after the amazing show (we got out at about 12:20am) we drove home…got home around 2am because of the crazy traffic…and headed to bed.
Monday: didn’t wake up till around 1pm haha…then we woke up, went to Amber’s house for a bit….went and ate at Braum’s…then went back to the church loaded up our gear, then went to Amber’s house again…and chilled there till around 3:20pm when we headed out…
Got home at around 5:20pm…then I talked on the phone till around 1am. and went to bed.
Tuesday: What did I do tuesday? not alot haha…Talked on the phone, worked on random Gfx, uploaded U2 videos and pictures…and oh, stayed up till 5am fixing the church’s pc…I fixed it at around 10pm…it was a bad PSU…and I happened to have a spare one from eariler…and fixed it…then I got anything off of it we could use (Dad bought it from another church that was shutting down, and selling off their stuff for $100)…
Then reformatted it, and installed a fresh new install of Windows XP – Vortex 3G RED Edition, then loaded it with software we need like MediaShout, WinDVD, K-Lite Codec Pack…etc and other software you need really like Auslogics BoostSpeed, CCleaner, Filezilla…etc
After doing all that, upgrades, fixing random stuff like missing audio and ethernet drivers, and cleaning off un-needed hardware…it was around 5am
Wednesday: Today? not alot…talked on the phone with Madison alot, done homework, messed with stuff on the pc, talked on the phone some more…chatted with some old friends I haven’t in a long while on Facebook (Hi Sparky! ), and then started this.
So that has been my weekend /week. :]
Madison.
4Well, not too much happened today, I slept in pretty late (well besides being woke up to that dog barking his head off non-stop at 8am )
But I kinda want to take this blog to talk about my love, Madison.
As I’ve mentioned before, me and Madison met at Assembly of God church camp this year in late June of 2009…we saw each other for the first time, at two different times…and even from then I sensed something different…something intrigued me about her…I didn’t know what…but I wanted to find out…
So, that night we ended up getting placed on the same team(that’s funny considering of the tons of kids…we got on the same team) and got to know each other…We talked a little here and there…and I just felt that feeling grow…and I liked it…but it confused me…because it felt familiar…but completely new at the same time…and at that time I didn’t know what it was…which if you don’t know now…you will soon enough.
So, at the next lunch thing, I saw her about half way across the room…and we made silly hand gestures and faces back and forth…then I went to do something else, after not doing so in a while…and she was gone…and my heart sulked…and I didn’t really understand why…I mean I knew why…because I was kinda afraid that would be the last time I saw her…but I didn’t understand why I felt like that for someone I verily knew…
But me and a friend named Nate left, and I saw her sitting on the brick sidewalk thing…so we approached her…and proceeded to make smalltalk, talking about everything from shoes, to the huge balloon making noise behind us. But I liked and enjoyed it, and enjoyed learning even the smallest things about her, and her traits, and her habits. She intrigued me so much…and I didn’t know why.
So, from then on Me, Madison, Nate, and later the next day Lacey, all hung out for the remainder of camp…
But before I get ahead of myself…I want to keep going about us…
that following night we went to the main night service in the sanctuary…and during one part of it…Madison grabbed me, and Nate’s hand…and we went to the altar…where we prayed, and was prayed over…but then we sat down…and basically shared our deepest and darkest secrets with one another…and my heart poured out to them both…but especially Madison…once again…I felt that feeling…but mixed with compassion and hurt that was done to her…and I wanted to hug and kiss her and tell her its all going to be better…and I had to stop myself before I did…and I thought it was strange I felt that strongly for someones pain within a few days of knowing them.
Then next day, about mid day…something happened with me and my ex…who was there…fun I know…and pretty much tried to kick me to the dirt, then kick me again…and I took it…and didn’t try to hurt her or retaliate. But later…after she left…it was just the 4 of us…and we talked about it some…and I remember Madison nicknamed her “The Dragon Lady” and told me I didn’t deserve being treated like that at all. and then the announcement came over the speaker that we had to go to our dorms to do devotionals…and that’s when me and Madison hugged…then she leaned in and kissed me. And I know it was a kiss of “Its going to be better Andrew”. But I couldnt help but feel all bubbly…and different…very different…and I didnt understand it…even telling myself “No…no…it couldn’t be that…I’ve only known her a few days?!”.
So, once we we’re done with that..and met back up with the girls…I acted a bit differently…scared of doing anything under the false pretense of her just giving that kiss as nothing more then a sentimental “It’s going to be okay” and scare, or anger her. But I couldn’t help myself…and eventually I kissed her again, and again, and again. And it felt so….right…which logically made not one bit of sense in my head…at all. I was thinking “No, you’ve known her a few days, you cant love her, and even if so, why would she want to love or be with someone like you? shes way out of your league, and so much a better person then you.” Yes, I know I’m hard on myself lol. But that is how I thought….
But I couldn’t resist being near her, holding her, hugging her, and kissing her…it felt so familiar, so warm, so loving…but yet…so new…so refreshing…so…right.
So, before the evening service we we’re sitting down talking…and she had drew a heart on my hand….and it said “I <3 you”…literally a “<3″ not “love” haha….and I held up my hand and said “Me too”…but she wouldn’t let me get away with just that haha…she said “What do you mean?”…and I did it again…and she said something like “That’s not what I meant…what do you mean…I want to hear it” basically is what she meant…so…even though logically, I knew I shouldn’t be able to fall in love with someone in less then a week…I did…and I know I did…but I was afraid to say it…afraid of her not feeling the same…or of it being a “camp-fling” or the likes….but I pushed away the brain trying to tell me it cant be…that’s only in movies….and I told her…I said “I love you”…and she said “I love you too Andrew”……and the next question relieved, but scared me…she asked “Do you want it to end at camp?”…I said “No, no I don’t….at all”…and she said “Neither do I” and smiled…and rubbed her hand against mine. :] So from then on we we’re I guess “officially” dating :]
And it was hard those few weeks after camp only talking on the phone…and it still can be…see, she lives 1 1/2hrs away in jacksboro ….but once I got to see her outside of camp…and it was the same warm smile…the same loving, eager eyes to see me…I felt in shock in a way…because somehow…someway…she looked even more beautiful then I remembered…somehow…and I remembered her being the most beautiful thing as it was…but from that second…I knew it was love…and I knew…it was…for real.
And this happened and happens every time I see her again. It’s like I’m looking at an angel…even more beautiful then the last one somehow….with those same loving, warm eyes…and those compassionate (and delicious) lips :]
So everytime I talk to her, I get to know her more, get to hear her stories, and her mine…and I get to love her more every day…but when I see her…oh…It’s not just that…everytime I see her….I see the purpose of life, what it feels like to be loved more then you, or anyone else can love you, what it feels like to enjoy hearing her voice, seeing her eyes, her smile, her love. And to know that it is towards you, and that you are loved by her….it is truly breath taking…and a beautiful thing to have…inside and out…
Just like my love…beautiful inside and out…
Just like…my Madison. *kiss*
Essay, Photoshop, and Missing Church.
3Hi there my readers! yes, I’m speaking to all 2 of you. hah.
My day was okay today, kinda bland again. I woke up at around 11:30pm from about 10 messages from Madison on IM that I had missed from 8am-11:20am IM SORRY BABY! :[ This keeps happening here lately and I'm sorry my love *kiss*
Anywho, got up, ate some grub, and then got on the computer. Where I did pretty much nothing of use, till Stephanie texting me, asking if I knew where to learn how to use Photoshop...So after a little while when I was on the pc, I sent her a list of sites for Tutorials, Inspiration, Brushes, and Fonts to help her out :] So that made me feel a little better that my time was actually helping someone maybe…
THEN…*cue theme music* DA DA DA!!!!! *drum roll*……….getting excited yet?…..*drum roll*……..*drum crash* MADISON CALLED! haha.
And I talked to her for a good bit o’ time, but she was tired and took a nap while keeping me on the line. So I got on Photoshop and Illustrator
Here’s what I made
Then, once Madison woke up, we talked some more, and she realized it was 6:50pm and I wasnt at church, and I told her about how my parents were still gone wherever, and so I didnt have a ride there, which also made me miss Cayli’s birthday party meh….anyway, then supper was done, and I let her go, ate, and then called her back.
But she had to do something, I forget what? And made me do my homework haha. So I finished up my Human A&P homework, and was in the middle of revising my “If” paper for English class when she called. And she helped me correct it and gave me alot of useful tips and ideas on what to do on the parts I was lost in.
So thanks so so much baby :] You’re a lifesaver *kiss* I lovea you! lol.
And then after I finished up that it was getting late, so I let my love go to bed, and I got up on the pc and starting typing this…man I was really detailed today eh?
Oh well!
EEK! I sorrys! :[
2I haven’t blogged in a few days…oops! well…HI!
So, recap needed of the weekend? Not really…but I will anyway!
Sunday:
Woke up at 9am, got ready, and went to church, had our pre-service practice at 9:30am, and church started at 10:30am…worship went well…Dad’s sermon this week was really good, but like it can be was a “toe-stomper” subject church let out and we headed to Luigi’s Pizza Italian Restaurant and ate some grub with my fam fam and Joseph Weaver and his fam :] I got Lasagna! mmm :] then we headed home, and from then on I was on the phone off and on with Madison. :]
Monday:
Hmm…well Monday was pretty bland, except getting to talk to my love after she was out of school :] Oh, I guess I could mention that Monday night I started messing around in Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, and Dreamweaver CS4 again trying to refresh myself, and get back into the habit. I’m going to start making something in Photoshop (or Illustrator) daily…even if its useless and random, just to keep refreshed, and to get practice in! That, and I’m trying to figure out how to make WordPress themes
Oh! Oh! I got really bored in Photoshop too Monday night and made all of these!
Tuesday:
Also pretty bland…except for once again talking to my love off and on when she was out of school :] — and a side note to my love, sorry you had a bad day today *kiss* I hope I helped make it better in some way throughout the day *kiss kiss* I Love You, My Angel :]
and that pretty much sums it all up, because I talked on the phone to me Madisono! And I ate grilled chicken with my fam fam + Aaryn = all my fam fam soon enough anyways
So yeah, that’s been My weekend/Monday/Tuesday/Why do I keep/Everything I say?/No/Idea/Huh/That’s just/Odd./././.
Oh, and yeah. Haven’t done this in awhile…and I really should have
Please check out these few sites by simply clicking on the pictures, and if your heart calls and beacons you, like it did, and does mine, then please join these causes…
It would mean alot to me, to many unborn babies wanting to live, and also to confused and hurt teens/adults needing love.
A Mediocre Friday
1Well, today was okay…Woke up at about 9am, got ready, and left for my Homeschool bowling league :] It was fun as always.
But ugh…my scores today was pretty horrid…mostly anyway. Today I scored 74, 133, and 108 = UGH haha…I tend to keep an avg of about 120 or so…but I about never hit under a 100. My scores range from 100-160 or higher on random days
Anyway, that all went okay. Then we left and went home…and that’s all I’ve done since. Amazingly exciting day, no?
So I guess what I’ll do is give a personal view on something. Sounds like a blasty-blast, eh? What am I going to talk about? No idea…haha. I’m literally just writing as I go…So this outta be interesting…
Hmm, so in Human A&P class last Thursday while my teacher was talking I realized something…anyone who doesn’t believe in anything but Intelligent Design (aka. God created everything) is off their freakin rocker…seriously.
I mean think about it…We are made up out of 11 organ systems within the human body: integumentary, skeletal, muscular, nervous, endocrine, circulatory, lymphatic, respiratory, digestive, urinary, and reproductive. And each one of those can be broken down into more categories, and those categories can be broken down into more categories…etc. And this goes on for a long while, until to get down to atoms. And we’re not even sure that’s the end…that’s just all we can get to. And if anything was different or served a different purpose then it does, or was a different shape. It wouldn’t work right for our bodies and we wouldn’t be able to live.
And if that isn’t enough to make someone see how intricate and detailed we are made, then zoom out in the opposite direction.
We, as a human, look like a pebble from the air, and further out, our state looks like a small spec from space…if its even able to be located. And our planet Earth, looks like a pebble next to Jupiter. And Jupiter looks like a pebble next to our Sun…etc
Here are even pics to describe what I mean
I mean seriously. How the hell could all of this be an accident or just happen from a series of random events?
Only a fool who doesn’t want to think their is a being who is above him and he should serve would want to deny Intelligent Design, or better yet, God. That’s who…
So why is it that in our school system what is being taught to them from a young age is The THEORY of Evolution…which when traced back was from people who didn’t want to accept there was a God, either because they didn’t want their to be a Master whom they should serve or submit authority to, or because they didn’t want to put belief in anything that they couldn’t see, or understand.
Why did I get off on to what I did? No idea. But I said it.
So take what you will from it.
So to those who don’t agree on that, don’t ridicule me, or say I’m wrong. Because on this subject I am right…you’ll just have to get over it, or leave.
To those still curious about exactly what I mean, leave me a email. or comment on here :]
Time for the “Drew’s life” cram session.
1Okay, so…It’s been awhile, and there is too much to really cover…so I’ll break this down as much as I can…
First off lets hit the “Relationship” category…so, me and Hattie went downhill fast…she did things already in the past that I had forgave her for, stuff that I didn’t deserve to even happen to me honestly, but I still stayed with her and things we’re looking okay for awhile.
Then, Wham! Things for us starting declining, we started arguing more, especially in the area of her thinking and accusing me of being unfaithful (which will never happen in my book. If I don’t love you, I’ll leave you. Not cheat on you.) when in reality she was again, and I didn’t know.
Anyway, A few weeks before the Assembly of God camp thing I was going to with a AoG church in Denton I go to Sunday nights(when I can) and Wednesdays named Grace Fellowship, She broke up with me.
But she still tried to lead me along and leave me to believe she still loved me, despite the fact she was already all over other men.
And then Saturday day before camp I went with my brother Brandon to meet up with his ex-wife Angelique to drop off his daughter Hailey for the week, and I started talking to him about everything going on…everything…and everything I told him she was doing and saying, he remembered that’s just how his ex-wife would do and/or say.
And it was an eye-opener…I wasn’t sure if I should try to wait and see if she would change or get better, because I tend to be too nice and do that.
Then we got to the meeting point and I got out and talked to Angelique a little…and I realized something. He was right, Hattie was my version of a Angelique in my life. But I had an opportunity to end it before we we’re married and I end up married, then divorced to her, and save some pain. My brother unfortunately did not have a chance to do that.
Anyway, that Monday when we were leaving for camp. When I saw her, I let her go completely…and she didn’t let go of me, and that night I met two new friends: Nathan, and Madison.
And instantly I felt a connection with Madison I’d never felt before. I didn’t know what it was, but I didnt want it to leave.
Anyway, over that week, Hattie continued to argue and try to tell me she loved me.
And the more time I spent with Madison, the more I found how much of a fool I was to have ever considered my past relationships “Love”. Because with her, within that week I felt the same, and above the level of compassion and feelings towards her then I did with my exes. So by a few days in we decided to start dating, and this made Hattie furious that she just lost this game of leading me on even though she wasn’t ready to be committed to just me, or really love me.
But, and hopefully this doesn’t sound too cold…but I could care less about Hattie at that point.
All I cared about was listening to Madison talk, and learn more about her, and just take in her beauty inside, and out.
And even though it was an unorthodox way to meet your love, it happened regardless. :] Love you baby *kiss*
psst. this is her :]
Alright! well that’s basically out of the way…basically hah.
Next up is “Life”! haha. So yeah, now I’m a senior in high school (woot), I’m madly in love, I’m getting better at drums practically every month I almost feel like (I’m seriously not trying to be cocky, but yeah.), and OH. I have my driver’s license now! WOO! But, I have no car.
Oh, and later this next week dad is going to help me put in applications at a few places so I can gets a job!
So, as you can see. the biggest chunk of catching up was my whole “Relationship” story hah. there is other stuff I’m prob not thinking of…but I don’t remember at this time…if I do, I’ll just edit this or make a new entry :]