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Semper Fidelis
0In translation from Latin, it means “Always Faithful”. On the back of someones car, it got me thinking…who among us can truly use this anymore? Sure it’s referring to the Marines. But I mean in a daily walk of life, who can use this? Me? You?…
I don’t know, life has been shooting me in the face this last month… Not just this and that… just everything; the point, the flow, the love, the reason, the peace, the hate. Just everything… I’ve felt so disconnected to the real world here lately…no reason to… just have been… I’ve been slowly reconnecting, especially with help from loved ones. But still, it’s just like taking everything in, its hard not to… to think of earth as a small dot in the works of everything. To think of work, play, sleep, and all the in-between.
I cant help it, I cant stop it. All I can do is try and rejoin the rest of you living your daily lives among another, while I feel like I’m observing ants in a ant habitat. Going about your daily life, all connected to one another without even realizing it really…but still all connected to each other. But I’m not, I am some kind of observer in the distance, commingling amidst you, and putting on a smile like I am part of you, but in reality only half of me is…only part of my spirit is, the rest is in a different world, a different everything. No one knows but me, and my God above…and most likely all but a handfull will ever know.
What can I do? nothing, ever. I have to live the rest of my human life in this meatsack of sin until the day my flesh dies and rots, maggot infested in the ground below, it almost is like the sin catches up with the body through the decay of the maggots…if you think about it that is what sin is coming out of our lives, life decaying maggots harvesting on our souls, much like they do our bodies once we die.
I’m stuck, I’m afraid, I’m slipping away… I’m tired, I’m scratching at the walls trying to hold on, I’m…I’m ready to feel at home again…reconnected, warm, at touch with my soul. Instead I am at war with myself, my will, and my heart. Because that is all I can do, and it cannot ever end… This, is my blessing and curse. To have this war. To have this disconnection. To have what I have, be who I am, and become what I will.
Is it worth it? Yes.
Does it always feel like it? No, rarely ever does.
Is this fair, you ask? Really, the answer is up to the eye of the beholder. To me, yes, it is for reasons noone would understand but me. But alas, I still have to bear it with passion, with pride, and with honor till the day I die.
Only me, myself, and God. But I know one thing…I have, and shall always be Semper Fidelis to it all.
Rue, baby, Rue.
1Hello. 
So, today was okay…slept in till 11:30l 11:30
English: World English Bible - WEB
30 For even as Jonah became a sign to the Ninevites, so will also the Son of Man be to this generation.
WP-Bible pluginam, and stayed in bed till 12:30l 12:30
English: World English Bible - WEB
30 For the nations of the world seek after all of these things, but your Father knows that you need these things.
WP-Bible pluginpm lol…
This was because I was on the phone with Madison though 
...anyway....did this for a good bit, then I was up just walking around and playing with meh demon cat 
and then talked to momma for a spell...then we ended up going to McDonald's for a drink, and ended up getting burgers 
Then a bit later after I ate I jumped into the shower, then got on the PC for a bit while my hair dried haha...then Mom got ready, and so did I...because we decided since she had the day off, and I still am looking for a job, why not go to gainesville outlet mall, and get some apps :] So right before we headed out Dad got home, and he joined us
When we got there I went to Rue21 and got a app, then filled it out and came back :]
And they seemed to like me…so maybe I have a job? I’m praying so :] and for backup I also got a app at Gap and Reebok at the same mall :]
So today was eventful and meaningful…but man, when I got home I started getting sinus pressure and migraines kicked in 
So I laid down and ended up missing supper because of it…I was in too much pain to move, let alone eat hah…especially since Dad keeps the TV ungodly loud 
But thankfully after the nap and a quick bowl of cereal, the migraine was down to a headache, and the sinus pressure was almost gone :]
So I called Madison, and right away she made me take a Tylenol haha…
Then at about 9pm I guess it was Madison left to call some other people before it got late, and I ate something else and sat down and watched All About Steve with Josh and Aaryn :]
But then around 11:30pm Madison finally called me back…and I was on the phone with her up till around 12:15am when she went to bed :] And all I have done since then is checked my email, uploaded some new smileys and done this blog haha.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, has been my day
Until we meet again in this lonely abyss we call the “internet”,
So long, my wonderful readers.
Meaning.
0The Point of it all…
What is the point of it all? Really, think about that question truly and wholly, and you’ll find its hard to answer…why?
Want an example?
If you told me “the point of it all is to get as rich as you can and live your life to the fullest”…
I’d ask you the simple question “why?” whoa…didn’t think about that one much did you?
What I mean is sure…it’s nice to have money, and in turn nice things and able to do a lot of stuff…but why do it? Why go out and work your end off, to have finally by the time you are in your late 20’s – early 40’s to have hopefully made a good sum of money. Just to spend on things that will be useless soon, breakdown, digress in fun, and pretty much be useless to you once you’re dead.
Oh, okay, you didn’t mean make money for stuff…you meant a lot of money to go out, party, get drunk/high, and have a night full of wild sex with a hottie from a club…right? Again I would ask “why?”
First off, you can only party so long and all it’s doing is making you tired and sweaty.
Secondly, getting drunk only lasts so long, and doing more will kill you…and getting high on a drug will only do so much for you, and get you addicted, and either…luckily kill you, or even worse make you lose all your wealth on this addiction you made, and be living on nothing, having to give blowjobs to a perverse fat man named “Pete” to get a gram or two of your drug of choice….
Oh, but I left out all those hottie’s in the club you get to have all that crazy/wild sex with…right?
No, that’s next.
Sex only fills a need (yes a very good feeling need) for so long, until you have to stop.
And you know what? Just having sex is useless….
I plan on it…
Ok, so you take a hot, young woman home, do your thing, and she leaves that night or the following morning…then what?…you do it again with someone else….and someone else…and someone else…and…oh…you’re too old…now the hotties think you look like a old pervert…
And you know what? Now you have two options…Hire hookers, or actually try to date someone.
But you know what that does? By the time you are done “Having fun, being single, and living like a king” all the girls even worth marrying are taken, or are not interested in someone who has done every girl he has came in contact with.
So you end up alone, and with a empty place in your home, and your heart…and you’ll realize that instead of partying, getting quick fixes, and having sex with alot of random women, you should have given a crap about one of them, or another girl.
Because guess what? Good job…your life of “partying” didn’t pay off well in the end…you’re alone…or still filling it with quick fixes, stuck with a girl you got pregnant you don’t love, or you have to use your money to get another fill of happiness in the form of booze, drugs, or sex.
And you realize something…you just screwed up ad wasted your whole life on petty useless things…all those “stories” you were able to tell friends are gone…because as soon as the wealth, fame, or fun is gone…so will those “friends” you had. Your alone, pathetic, and miserable…
But oh hey! There is all that precious money of yours still…maybe anyway…so how much does that green paper have meaning now?
Not as much huh?What is the point of this?
Nothing really…
I’m just trying to get across in my own way of saying that there is nothing of or from this world that will feel our needs.
Think About It.
Ehh, Ahh, and Ooh.
1So, today was kinda meh…
I woke up like always to the voice of my beautiful Madison on the phone, then I fell back to sleep
After that I didn’t wake up till 1pm. Yeah, I know….you foresaw it with how late my last blog was eh?
Well then after I woke up I got to talk to my love a little on IM while she was at school (Yes, when she’s not busy, not when she’s supposed to be doing school ) then when she had to go I did nothing till she was out of school…well..something happened…but I rather not discuss it here online…or even in any other way….
But anyway, took a shower around 4pm, and soon as I was out…MY MADISON CALLED! :] — Yes I’m aware I get like a giddy 5yr old boy who just got a lollipop given to him when it’s about Madison…and no, I don’t regret it at all :] She makes me so happy and bubbly :]
Anyway, talked to her up until round 5:30pm when she had to leave to go to the Haunted House her school is throwing this week…and I left at 6pm for church anyways…we went up there to fill bags of candy for kids, to hand out this week….but we also got cheese bread and a pizza! WHOO!!! :]
Then at around 8:45pm my love called me while she was on a break with a friend at sonic getting a snack, and had to go soon after
So, when I got home at around 9pm I got on the PC…WOO!!! Haha…And I played Fallout 3 some more (I didn’t even realize that 3 more expansions came out…so I dug out my game and reinstalled it ), and then decided to get Borderlands…so I did…and OOOH…I like so far….I didn’t get to play long…I got my character to level 2 and that’s it…because Madison called and told me to do homework 
haha.
Then we talked for a bit till she needed to head to bed, So I finished up my homework, then headed back on here to check my email and stuffs one last time, and ended up downloading some windows 7 updates, avg updates, and going a quick disk defrag with the awesome Auslogics Disk Defrag :]
Finally, after all of that I got on here to blog….and that’s been my day!
Oh, and I’m part of a new site now called Dailybooth and I forgot to even say, or add it…so I’ll add it to my links list to the right. :]
~Ba Da Dum Bum~
3Yes, I know I’m behind in this…I’m sorry…forgive me? kthx <3 u <– uber geek for that sentence I know…
Anyway, it has almost been a week I’m sorry
Well must hasn’t happened this week at all…
Haha…oh, except the fact Madison has me on a new schedule, which is something like…
12am bed-time + 7am wake-up time + homework (which she organized for me what to do daily) done daily by 4:30PM + keeping at trying to find a job – fun – a say in any of it = the plan I’m now on
Haha I’m kidding baby :] I need it…I really do, I procrastinate sooo bad…and this is my Senior year, so I need someone like her to kick my butt in gear, and keep it there. So thanks baby :] *kiss*
Speaking of me Madison-o! I GET TO SEE HER FRIDAY! EEEEEK!K!!K!K!K!KEEK!E!E!!!!! :]
I’m happy. Very. Very. Happy. :]
And well that’s kinda been my week…lots of homework, trying to get into the habit of waking up earlier. and yes, I know its later then 12am right now…but that’s because I’m behind in blogging and I couldn’t sleep because I’m thinking of alot of crap I need to get done by late December :\ @the few that know why….eeek! :]
Oh, well I guess here is all the random pictures I taken or edited in the last week :]
U2 WAS AMAZING! :] Oh, And The Rest of My Week.
3So, I haven’t blogged in awhile…sorry
Well, so…
Saturday: Did some last minute packing for Oklahoma trip…ate, talked on the phone some…then around 5pm we headed out…many songs and silliness-ness later…we arrived in Ada, OK where my sister Amber lives at about 7:30pm’ish?
We unpacked the musical gear from the truck…then headed to Blue Moon Cafe…which, is where this was taken of Jessie
Then we headed to the church to practice…Josh, Jessie, Amber, Michael (her husband), and I played for my sister’s church on sunday morning ;]
After about 2hrs we were done learning about 6 songs…most of which were new to Amber and Michael…and 1 was new to us all except Josh, who wrote it…and writes most of what we play…we being The Joshua Band aka. Josh, Jessie, Chris(who couldn’t come) and I…
And jeez…my hands we’re literally about to bleed and we’re blistered…and ripped in 3 places…because they have their drums in a box thing…so you have to beat the heck out of them to get dynamics
After that we headed to Michael’s dad Mickey’s house, and unpacked…that is where we slept
And I talked to my Madison till about 4:30am that night…long story…..and to you Madison…thank you, and I believe and accept it now…hopefully over time I’ll learn to trust in it more and make use to it like you have my love….
Sunday: Woke up about 9am…got ready, and headed to Life Community Church to play :]
After church, we headed to Rib Crib (delllicious :]), and this is where I took a pic of my hands seen here…this picture doesnt do them justice to how bad it was sadly
after that we went back to Pastor Mickey’s house and changed…then around 4pm we headed over to Amber’s house…then at around 4:30pm we headed out to Norman, OK….To see U2
got there, got inside, found our seats…and at around 7pm Black Eyed Peas started…They were good…but dude with the mo-hawk cannot sing worth a crap live…but My Humps, Boom Boom Pow, I Gotta Feeling, and Big Girls Don’t Cry was still awesome live though :] Will-i-am and Fergie are still awesome sounding live :]
Then at around 8:45pm U2 started :] EEE!:D…..and LORD GOD JESUS…I had a Concertgasm Like seriously…it’s gonna be hard to enjoy any other concert now…I mean think about it…I’ve seen the best one in every way…so now everything else will fall short in all but prob one or two areas hah. Vids here. Pics here or here
Then after the amazing show (we got out at about 12:20am) we drove home…got home around 2am because of the crazy traffic…and headed to bed.
Monday: didn’t wake up till around 1pm haha…then we woke up, went to Amber’s house for a bit….went and ate at Braum’s…then went back to the church loaded up our gear, then went to Amber’s house again…and chilled there till around 3:20pm when we headed out…
Got home at around 5:20pm…then I talked on the phone till around 1am. and went to bed.
Tuesday: What did I do tuesday? not alot haha…Talked on the phone, worked on random Gfx, uploaded U2 videos and pictures…and oh, stayed up till 5am fixing the church’s pc…I fixed it at around 10pm…it was a bad PSU…and I happened to have a spare one from eariler…and fixed it…then I got anything off of it we could use (Dad bought it from another church that was shutting down, and selling off their stuff for $100)…
Then reformatted it, and installed a fresh new install of Windows XP – Vortex 3G RED Edition, then loaded it with software we need like MediaShout, WinDVD, K-Lite Codec Pack…etc and other software you need really like Auslogics BoostSpeed, CCleaner, Filezilla…etc
After doing all that, upgrades, fixing random stuff like missing audio and ethernet drivers, and cleaning off un-needed hardware…it was around 5am
Wednesday: Today? not alot…talked on the phone with Madison alot, done homework, messed with stuff on the pc, talked on the phone some more…chatted with some old friends I haven’t in a long while on Facebook (Hi Sparky! ), and then started this.
So that has been my weekend /week. :]
Little late…but it’s for a reason.
0Hello all, and sorry its so late…well for me making this anyway hah (currently 3:24am CST)
Well first off, went to classes, and they went well :] got to talk to some classmates, who are new friends I’m slowing making (hopefully) haha…
Had to sit in traffic for 1 1/2hrs though on the way home…there was a nasty 4 car wreck on Lake Lewisville bridge fun, no?
Then I got home, talked to my love, Madison (sorry, you’re still feeling sick dear ), and checked my email….and you know what I had in the inbox?
– time for infomercial!
It was a PayPal notification of payment from Pickydomains.com, whom I joined as a contributor recently, and within the first day I had someone pick one of my suggestions for a domain. :]
So check it out if you want! It’s legit, fast, and easy to make a quick buck ($25 per picked domain) if your creative making a domain name (and well after you check to make sure its not taken that is…I use GoDaddy.com domain search to do so) :]
– end infomercial
and yeah, rest of day was mostly spent on the phone with Madison….up until around 7pm when my sissy Amber, who lives in Oklahoma got here! :] Then we ate supper, watched Fringe(I it), and then around 10pm Madisono called me back…and that’s all I did…up till 12:10l 12:10
English: World English Bible - WEB
10 Everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but those who blaspheme against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.
WP-Bible pluginam….that’s when we got a call from Sarah, my sis-in-law, that Brandon my oldest bro was sick, and couldn’t hold anything down, so he was constantly puking
So, we went over to their house to watch their kids, while she took him to the emergency room…and we did so, all of us, except Josh…and we was there up till about 2:40am…when they got back…apparently Brandon has Influenza…not Swine Flu…but still bad Influenza
Then we headed home, grabbed some hot chocolate and goodies at RaceTrac in Denton…then I got on here and started blogging :]
Fun day, eh?
Essay, Photoshop, and Missing Church.
3Hi there my readers! yes, I’m speaking to all 2 of you. hah.
My day was okay today, kinda bland again. I woke up at around 11:30pm from about 10 messages from Madison on IM that I had missed from 8am-11:20am IM SORRY BABY! :[ This keeps happening here lately and I'm sorry my love *kiss*
Anywho, got up, ate some grub, and then got on the computer. Where I did pretty much nothing of use, till Stephanie texting me, asking if I knew where to learn how to use Photoshop...So after a little while when I was on the pc, I sent her a list of sites for Tutorials, Inspiration, Brushes, and Fonts to help her out :] So that made me feel a little better that my time was actually helping someone maybe…
THEN…*cue theme music* DA DA DA!!!!! *drum roll*……….getting excited yet?…..*drum roll*……..*drum crash* MADISON CALLED! haha.
And I talked to her for a good bit o’ time, but she was tired and took a nap while keeping me on the line. So I got on Photoshop and Illustrator
Here’s what I made
Then, once Madison woke up, we talked some more, and she realized it was 6:50pm and I wasnt at church, and I told her about how my parents were still gone wherever, and so I didnt have a ride there, which also made me miss Cayli’s birthday party meh….anyway, then supper was done, and I let her go, ate, and then called her back.
But she had to do something, I forget what? And made me do my homework haha. So I finished up my Human A&P homework, and was in the middle of revising my “If” paper for English class when she called. And she helped me correct it and gave me alot of useful tips and ideas on what to do on the parts I was lost in.
So thanks so so much baby :] You’re a lifesaver *kiss* I lovea you! lol.
And then after I finished up that it was getting late, so I let my love go to bed, and I got up on the pc and starting typing this…man I was really detailed today eh?
Oh well!
EEK! I sorrys! :[
2I haven’t blogged in a few days…oops! well…HI!
So, recap needed of the weekend? Not really…but I will anyway!
Sunday:
Woke up at 9am, got ready, and went to church, had our pre-service practice at 9:30am, and church started at 10:30am…worship went well…Dad’s sermon this week was really good, but like it can be was a “toe-stomper” subject church let out and we headed to Luigi’s Pizza Italian Restaurant and ate some grub with my fam fam and Joseph Weaver and his fam :] I got Lasagna! mmm :] then we headed home, and from then on I was on the phone off and on with Madison. :]
Monday:
Hmm…well Monday was pretty bland, except getting to talk to my love after she was out of school :] Oh, I guess I could mention that Monday night I started messing around in Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, and Dreamweaver CS4 again trying to refresh myself, and get back into the habit. I’m going to start making something in Photoshop (or Illustrator) daily…even if its useless and random, just to keep refreshed, and to get practice in! That, and I’m trying to figure out how to make WordPress themes
Oh! Oh! I got really bored in Photoshop too Monday night and made all of these!
Tuesday:
Also pretty bland…except for once again talking to my love off and on when she was out of school :] — and a side note to my love, sorry you had a bad day today *kiss* I hope I helped make it better in some way throughout the day *kiss kiss* I Love You, My Angel :]
and that pretty much sums it all up, because I talked on the phone to me Madisono! And I ate grilled chicken with my fam fam + Aaryn = all my fam fam soon enough anyways
So yeah, that’s been My weekend/Monday/Tuesday/Why do I keep/Everything I say?/No/Idea/Huh/That’s just/Odd./././.
Oh, and yeah. Haven’t done this in awhile…and I really should have
Please check out these few sites by simply clicking on the pictures, and if your heart calls and beacons you, like it did, and does mine, then please join these causes…
It would mean alot to me, to many unborn babies wanting to live, and also to confused and hurt teens/adults needing love.
Practice makes…decent?
2Well, my day started out late…I woke up at 12:30pm
Anyway, I pretty much chilled at home and talked to my Madison all day up till around 5:30pm when I showered, then left for my church, in Denton. When we(Dad, Mom, Hailey[niece], and I) got to the church, I talked to everyone who was there for awhile. Then Cody came to my church about 6:40pm, and we left to go to Grace Fellowship to practice a song he wrote…
Oh, btw I’m now basically part of 3 bands: My church’s worship team, The Joshua Band, and now Cody’s band which has yet to be named :]
Anyway, we got there and UGH…I had to use the electronic drums already there for this week…and Lord God Jesus…I forget how much they suck…mehh. But I managed to get through the practice decently, despite having no real dynamics (which caused me to blister my hands horribly because out of habit I play harder to sound louder.), but we got it basically down in the 1hr of practice we had…so that’s good I guess :]
OH! OH! OH! I almost forgot to say!…….Hi. :]