Sick nights, bright lights, silly kids, enjoy it while it lasts.

Silver suns, black skies, death and decay, that is what enclasps.

Empty sex, filled lungs, dirty needles, lips, and tongues.

Bloody wrists, broken hearts, needless hurt, is this all we’re worth?

Nevermore I say we should be this way.

Nevermore I pray we stay this way.

Live, love, and repeat.

With this the pain, hurt, and death, we will defeat.

Am I forsaken, or am I forsaking?

Am I unique, or am I losing it?

I ask you, all of this.

And what do I get?

Nothing, nothing but silence.

Why am I here?

Why did you make me like this?

Is it for a cause?

Is it for a purpose?

Why give me this, and not give me the instructions.

Why make me like this, but not make it easy.

Would that make it too easy?

Would that make it too open?

If so, than what am I supposed to do?

Sit here alone?

Go out a fight?

Help the wounded?

Or just keep on asking why?

Oh, why, why?

Why would you leave me here?

Oh, why, why?

Why wont you answer me here?

Oh, why, why?

Why wont you tell me?

Oh, why, why?

Why do you keep trying to break me?

All I want, all I ask, is a little help

But all  I get, all I hear, is a little hurt.

Why? Why make it like this?

Are you this cruel?

Or is there a point?

Can’t you just nod, or make some sign?

Oh, why, why?

Why wont you answer me?

Oh, why, why?

Why wont you comfort me?

Oh, why, why?

Why would you give me this?

Oh, why, why?

What can I do with it?

But sit here alone, staring up at you.

Asking you these worthless questions.

I guess I’ll never know, but it was worth a try.

Until the next I cry, This is goodbye.

So, in short?

Had amazing times with Madison which I’d love to go into detail about each one…but I will say we are growing closer than before… we might have our moments… but when it comes down to it… I love that woman whole-heartedly and endlessly, and cannot wait to marry her :] I love you Madison. Time, trials, and tribulations might come our way… But I’m in this for the long run… and that is not ever changing, my love.

Anyway, had an amazing concert in a school cafeteria with The Joshua Band…ahhh…it felt so nice to play somewhere like that and have such an amazing show, word, and altar call (over 50 kids got saved/rededicated).

I have rekindled my love for tinkering (soldering to fix stuff, build stuff, or change stuff…messing with pcs, building pcs..etc)…and in doing so I have made it once again harder to choose my career path

I have began to make/already made new close friends…and I know they’ll prob be life friends…and realized some that I lost…that I wish I didn’t. And I will continue to miss them until I rekindle or close that relationship that I severed.

I still don’t have a job.

I am getting near graduation…May 22nd!

I am still–if not more–insane/crazy/random.

I really don’t know what else that there is to say of importance atm… prob will have forgotten something big and have to make a new one…but oh well haha.

Hatred ever kills, love never dies; such is the vast difference between the two.
What is obtained by love is retained for all time. What is obtained by hatred proves
a burden in reality for it increases hatred. – Ghandi

Well, so…

Saturday: Did some last minute packing for Oklahoma trip…ate, talked on the phone some…then around 5pm we headed out…many songs and silliness-ness later…we arrived in Ada, OK where my sister Amber lives at about 7:30pm’ish?
We unpacked the musical gear from the truck…then headed to Blue Moon Cafe…which, is where this was taken of Jessie
Then we headed to the church to practice…Josh, Jessie, Amber, Michael (her husband), and I played for my sister’s church on sunday morning ;]
After about 2hrs we were done learning about 6 songs…most of which were new to Amber and Michael…and 1 was new to us all except Josh, who wrote it…and writes most of what we play…we being The Joshua Band aka. Josh, Jessie, Chris(who couldn’t come) and I…
And jeez…my hands we’re literally about to bleed and we’re blistered…and ripped in 3 places…because they have their drums in a box thing…so you have to beat the heck out of them to get dynamics
After that we headed to Michael’s dad Mickey’s house, and unpacked…that is where we slept
And I talked to my Madison till about 4:30am that night…long story…..and to you Madison…thank you, and I believe and accept it now…hopefully over time I’ll learn to trust in it more and make use to it like you have my love….

Sunday: Woke up about 9am…got ready, and headed to Life Community Church to play :]
After church, we headed to Rib Crib (delllicious :]), and this is where I took a pic of my hands seen here…this picture doesnt do them justice to how bad it was sadly
after that we went back to Pastor Mickey’s house and changed…then around 4pm we headed over to Amber’s house…then at around 4:30pm we headed out to Norman, OK….To see U2
got there, got inside, found our seats…and at around 7pm Black Eyed Peas started…They were good…but dude with the mo-hawk cannot sing worth a crap live…but My Humps, Boom Boom Pow, I Gotta Feeling, and Big Girls Don’t Cry was still awesome live though :] Will-i-am and Fergie are still awesome sounding live :]
Then at around 8:45pm U2 started :] EEE!:D…..and LORD GOD JESUS…I had a Concertgasm Like seriously…it’s gonna be hard to enjoy any other concert now…I mean think about it…I’ve seen the best one in every way…so now everything else will fall short in all but prob one or two areas hah. Vids here. Pics here or here
Then after the amazing show (we got out at about 12:20am) we drove home…got home around 2am because of the crazy traffic…and headed to bed.

Monday: didn’t wake up till around 1pm haha…then we woke up, went to Amber’s house for a bit….went and ate at Braum’s…then went back to the church loaded up our gear, then went to Amber’s house again…and chilled there till around 3:20pm when we headed out…
Got home at around 5:20pm…then I talked on the phone till around 1am. and went to bed.

Tuesday: What did I do tuesday? not alot haha…Talked on the phone, worked on random Gfx, uploaded U2 videos and pictures…and oh, stayed up till 5am fixing the church’s pc…I fixed it at around 10pm…it was a bad PSU…and I happened to have a spare one from eariler…and fixed it…then I got anything off of it we could use (Dad bought it from another church that was shutting down, and selling off their stuff for $100)…
Then reformatted it, and installed a fresh new install of Windows XP – Vortex 3G RED Edition, then loaded it with software we need like MediaShout, WinDVD, K-Lite Codec Pack…etc and other software you need really like Auslogics BoostSpeed, CCleaner, Filezilla…etc
After doing all that, upgrades, fixing random stuff like missing audio and ethernet drivers, and cleaning off un-needed hardware…it was around 5am

Wednesday: Today? not alot…talked on the phone with Madison alot, done homework, messed with stuff on the pc, talked on the phone some more…chatted with some old friends I haven’t in a long while on Facebook (Hi Sparky! ), and then started this.

So that has been my weekend /week. :]

So, recap needed of the weekend? Not really…but I will anyway!

Sunday:
Woke up at 9am, got ready, and went to church, had our pre-service practice at 9:30am, and church started at 10:30am…worship went well…Dad’s sermon this week was really good, but like it can be was a “toe-stomper” subject church let out and we headed to Luigi’s Pizza Italian Restaurant and ate some grub with my fam fam and Joseph Weaver and his fam :] I got Lasagna! mmm :] then we headed home, and from then on I was on the phone off and on with Madison. :]

Monday:
Hmm…well Monday was pretty bland, except getting to talk to my love after she was out of school :] Oh, I guess I could mention that Monday night I started messing around in Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, and Dreamweaver CS4 again trying to refresh myself, and get back into the habit. I’m going to start making something in Photoshop (or Illustrator) daily…even if its useless and random, just to keep refreshed, and to get practice in!   That, and I’m trying to figure out how to make WordPress themes

Oh! Oh! I got really bored in Photoshop too Monday night and made all of these!

Eye Edito

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Can you see it now? Does it fill your soul?

Tuesday:
Also pretty bland…except for once again talking to my love off and on when she was out of school :] — and a side note to my love, sorry you had a bad day today *kiss* I hope I helped make it better in some way throughout the day *kiss kiss* I Love You, My Angel :]

and that pretty much sums it all up, because I talked on the phone to me Madisono! And I ate grilled chicken with my fam fam + Aaryn = all my fam fam soon enough anyways

So yeah, that’s been My weekend/Monday/Tuesday/Why do I keep/Everything I say?/No/Idea/Huh/That’s just/Odd./././.

Oh, and yeah. Haven’t done this in awhile…and I really should have

Please check out these few sites by simply clicking on the pictures, and if your heart calls and beacons you, like it did, and does mine, then please join these causes…
It would mean alot to me, to many unborn babies wanting to live, and also to confused and hurt teens/adults needing love.

Anyway, I pretty much chilled at home and talked to my Madison all day up till around 5:30pm when I showered, then left for my church, in Denton. When we(Dad, Mom, Hailey[niece], and I) got to the church, I talked to everyone who was there for awhile. Then Cody came to my church about 6:40pm, and we left to go to Grace Fellowship to practice a song he wrote…

Oh, btw I’m now basically part of 3 bands: My church’s worship team, The Joshua Band, and now Cody’s band which has yet to be named :]

Anyway, we got there and UGH…I had to use the electronic drums already there for this week…and Lord God Jesus…I forget how much they suck…mehh. But I managed to get through the practice decently, despite having no real dynamics (which caused me to blister my hands horribly because out of habit I play harder to sound louder.), but we got it basically down in the 1hr of practice we had…so that’s good I guess :]

OH! OH! OH! I almost forgot to say!…….Hi. :]

then around 7pm we started…first song went good, second went well despite my messing up the beginning and forgetting to stop once pretty much…then the third song…well eh…it just sounded weird on my part hah…but song 4….ah, I love it no matter how its played…you know it as “Everything” by Lifehouse…I kinda came in odd but it blended ok…and hah…in the middle of the chorus the second time my stick broke so yeah, that was fun…

but I loved after that me and Corey (acoustic guitar player) started playing just us after “Everything” ended and we ended up making a new song pretty much…I love flowing…I get so drawn into it…I sounds odd I know, but I almost feel as if I’m becoming one with music when I am…like me and music is making love per-say hahaha…I really don’t know how to explain it…besides I just really get into the music then…

then after that Chris (the youth pastor) gave his message while we all sat around him, and as always it was clear and informative (if you want to know what he talked about you’ll just have to come and see for yourself! hah)…and afterwards we all went to the awesome artery clogging Taco Bell…and chilled there…then I went home and started blogging…

so yeah I cant tell you anymore after that without starting a endless loop…ad that would be good…It’d make the world explode or something…no…I’m serious…it would…

ah, well got all my PC junk in…and everything works like  charm I’ve played Dead Space, Left 4 Dead, Half life 2: Episode 2, Portal, and many more on high-res and high detail without any skipping or quality loss woo!

hmm, oh…and Hattie my girlfriend had to have foot surgery this last Thursday…it went well but shes in alot of pain off and on between the pain meds lol…

oh, and yeah! now I’m the main drummer on Wednesday nights at First Assembly of God in Denton...unfortunately their pastor resigned 2 Sundays ago and his son happened to be their drummer…so yeah, I cant on Sunday cause I have to at my church…but now I do every Wednesday for them so that’s fun and interesting for me…completely different feel then my main church’s worship team and songs…so it makes me stretch my boundaries I guess…

hmm, and DEAR LORD JESUS I watched the Watchmen(lol) or WIKI…and dude I loved it! there is only one main difference from the original comic that I noticed plot wise anyway, was Rorschach’s story of when he “became Rorschach completely, and no longer Walter Kovacs being Rorschach” was alot more gruesome…

and beware…you get to see Dr. Manhattan‘s blue shiny thingy(aka his freakin Penis) way too much, and you also get to see a awkwardly long sex scene in the Watchmen’s aircraft with the song “Hallelujah” written by Leonard Cohen (you’ll remember it was on Shrek by John Cale )..but despite those things I’d give it a solid 85 out of 100 for sure…definitely worth watching once…maybe not for buying on DVD (least if you have kiddos who can find it haha)

well hmm, that’s about it for anything out of the ordinary since I’ve last blogged sadly

Well…what have you missed? hmm….not much….well least out of the ordinary…

First off I guess I’ll state that I have successfully Installed Mac Leopard 10.5.6 on my Dell AMD Pc lol…a sentence full of words that apple thinks should never be together….Mac AMD and PC haha…this is what I used iPC OSx86 Universal 10.5.6 with of coarse help from the likes of InsanelyMac and OSx86 Scene…yay having a Mac and Windows dual booting!

hmm…what else has happened this week? yeah….its been that kinda week I told you haha…oh! I sold my first set of Drums! lol….I used to Have black Pulse drums I got from Musicians Friend for christmas 4years ago…even though Ive only been playing 2yrs 1mo lol….these were my babehs…this is my current set though DDrum Diablo Punx with White on White hardware <3 …also from MF

so what else…what else…Im forgetting something…well while Im remembering…Thought I’d say I love my Hattie and have enjoied any time I have got to spend with her ths week <3

hmm…yeah….for now Im blank of what Ive done this last week haha…oh and class was actually decent today…I was awake enough to actually understand what he was teaching me haha…

Well…hmm Sunday morning was church…that was good and I like always had fun playing the Drums

Then after that I went over to my oldest brother Brandon’s house to work on building his new computer…and that was a nightmare…ehh…his motherboard was old and was a freakin’ IDE board…when most now are SATA or even now E-SATA apparently…and we didn’t know that till we opened it up…we were going to move it to a new case, 2gb of RAM, add a DVD burner, and a 320gb HDD…yeah, none of them worked…case was too small (that freakin motherboard was way bigger then it should be), and the HDD and DVD burner was SATA

even the RAM which we made sure online would work fine with it…didn’t work …want to know why in 4 letters?….DELL…This just adds to the list why I hate computers from major companies…especially Dell…they make it so proprietary you cant upgrade crap…its stupid…they want you to have to buy a new one from them, not just keep a older one updated I guess

then yeah, went home around 5:40pm and left shortly after for church…Me and by other bro Josh went to my girlfriend Hattie’s church…first time for josh…3rd for me…on Sunday night anywho…and that was good…and Josh seemed to like it there…and I got to see the love of my life *muah*

then after church Me and Josh went and watched Push with his friends from another church (its kinda funny Hattie goes to First Assembly of God in Denton…Josh’s friends go to First Assembly of God in Krum haha)…

anyway, that was a awesome movie despite hearing it was lame…to the people who called it lame….you…my friends…are lame hah. It was awesome, Ill say it did have a few cheesy parts…but the fights and just story made up for those parts by far…definitely worth watching again and buying on DVD when its out I’d say for sure

eh, then after we got out of that (it was around 12:10am) we went home and crashed…

haha, oh, and yeah…I have Algebra class every Monday morning, but yeah, dad decided he apparently didn’t wanna go…so yeah…I missed class cause of his not wanting to

and after that stupidity I’ve been up to a whole lot of nothing except texting my friends oh, and Me and Josh might go bowling later (woo)…

so yeah, that concludes this weekend and weekday I guess…hah…